Blissfully Beautifully Happy
by CPDRuzekFan
Summary: A series of connected one shots. Burzek Fair warning, a death occurs in this group of one shots.
1. Chapter 1

**Don't ask where this idea came from, as I have no clue. It's silly, fluffy and perhaps just a bit too sweet. I'm gonna blame it on the pain meds and lack of sleep...**

Kim shifted in the recliner, her very large belly served her well these days. She had found it made a great snack tray. She steady the bowl of popcorn with one hand and used her other to prop herself up a bit.

Pregnancy wasn't all it was cracked up to be.

She was fat.

She refused to bend over in fear that she would topple over.

She was now at eight months pregnant and they had finally loosened the restrictions they had placed on her, for that she was thankful.

She was placed on strict bed rest after she started having contractions at just over five months pregnant, it was way too early. It had scared her and Adam both.

Adam.

She loved that man more than life itself, but damn if he wasn't annoying.

They admitted her to the hospital when the contractions first started, they pushed all sorts of medicine during her two week stay. It had worked and the contractions stopped and their little jelly bean started to behave. She was discharged but ordered off her feet, that even though everything had settled down they feared if contractions started again, there'd be no stopping them.

They sent her home with monitors and a novel of instructions which included how to administer her medicine, which would come via a shot.

Adam had passed out cold when the nurse was instructing him on how to do it. He had dropped like a ton of bricks, they waved smelling salts beneath his nose and he was up and on his feet in a flash. His face was bright red and his ego dinged, Kim quickly learned that she'd be the one to do it.

He hovered over her to the point of near suffocation, it was sweet and she loved him for it. It was all a bit overwhelming and he often caught the brunt of her anger. It seemed anything would set her off, and it was always something trivial.

The sound of him breathing often got under her skin, she'd glare at him from the recliner and envision herself smothering him with a pillow. Only to burst into tears, feeling horrible for thinking such thoughts. Though, those thoughts returned at night, his snoring would wake the dead.

They also prevented the pregnant from sleeping, she would 'accidentally' kick his legs or back in hopes of waking him. It worked. He would wake up and she would finally start to doze off only for his snoring to return.

It was a vicious cycle.

Eventually Adam moved to the guest bedroom, Kim hated it but the need for sleep was greater. That had lasted a few weeks. Adam hated not being with her at night and he was constantly checking on her, which meant he didn't sleep.

Kevin had been their hero, he bought Kim ear plugs and sleep returned to the Ruzek house.

It was blissful.

Adam returned to work a week after Kim was discharged from the hospital, and Kim practically pushed him out the door.

Her sister Nicole dropped in daily, along with Adam's father and his mother, only on the days, Bob didn't. Nancy Ruzek refused to breathe the same air as her ex-husband and made damn sure everyone knew it.

Even Trudy Platt visited, she always came with an armful of pre cooked meals. It was heartwarming to see their friends circle the wagons around them, everyone pitched in and helped out all in an effort to keep the jelly bean from an early appearance.

Jelly beans had been her guilty pleasure, her very first craving. She craved them even before she knew she was pregnant. It was a serious addiction and she lost her shit on Adam when he brought home some ' _cheap knock off_ ' as she declared them right before she threw the bag at him, causing the bag to explode and jelly beans scattered throughout the living room. She would only eat ' _Jelly Belly_ ' jelly beans, and that he was ' _some kind of stupid'_ to not know that.

She sobbed uncontrollably as he cleaned them up, he held her once he had finished cleaning. If she wasn't crying he would have laughed at the situation, later that night he went and bought three bags of Jelly Belly jelly beans.

She let him know just how much she appreciated it as soon as she finished devouring one of the bags.

He quickly learned to sort the beans and remove all the red and pink ones, those were ' _disgusting_ ' and she swore their flavor rubbed off on the other ones.

As the weeks progressed and their Jelly Bean behaved things became a bit easier. Adam wasn't constantly fawning over her and she was able to get around a bit more. They still took precautions and Kim made sure she didn't do to much, but they were okay with Kim getting out of the house a bit more.

The reprieve didn't last long, though now it was for different reasons, she was as big as a house. She was incredibly uncomfortable and now she couldn't wait to meet their baby boy.

She was back to spending most of her days in the recliner.

That chair had been a godsend, Adam had ended up at a furniture store while working a case and spotted the pregnant sales lady resting in it. He chatted her up and had one set to be delivered the very next day.

Best money he had every spent.

That was where she spent most of her time now, a small black refrigerator at her side stocked with all of her favorite drinks. The television remote in her hand and her newest obsession played out before her on the giant television Adam just had to have.

Milo and Otis.

Why it was her favorite she hadn't a clue, there was something about it that just made her heart swell. The little orange cat Milo was her favorite, she loved watching him as he snuggled up against the cow. Little Otis was adorable, despite Adam's claims that the dog was so ugly it was cute.

As the credits rolled she set the bowl of popcorn on the table and rubbed her belly, Jelly Bean was fairly active and seemed to enjoy stomping on her bladder.

Adam could hear the familiar music, and whispered a silent thank you that the movie was over. He wandered into the living room a bit surprised when Kim was nowhere to be found.

"Kim! Darlin', where are you?" Her car still parked in the driveway let him know she was still home.

His voice broke through the sound of the shower, "Back here!" She called out, "I'm in the shower."

Adam kicked his shoes off as he entered their bedroom, it was her new rule. No shoes in their bedroom or the nursery, she had come up with many rules. Adam feared it would only get worse once the baby was born.

He yanked his shirt off and stepped out of his jeans, he yanked the shower curtain back and attempted to join his wife.

She stopped him, placing her hand on his chest, "Stop right there buddy. What do you think you're doing?" She asked.

"Joining my beautiful and hot as hell wife in the shower" he smirked as he ran his hand over her belly, "Come on let me in." He begged when her hand didn't budge.

"No. You're not coming in" She moved her hand from her stomach, "I'm showering, because my water broke. Lord knows when I will get a proper shower again."

Adam felt panic fill his gut, "Wait...w-what did you say?" He stammered a bit.

Kim turned the tap off, as she stepped out of shower she grabbed her robe off the hook. She could see the panic and fear in his eyes. "Jesus, Adam. It's not like the baby is coming now, pull it together babe. I've called the doctor, she is going to meet us at the hospital." She ran a towel over her hair as she went into their bedroom.

Adam stood frozen in place.

She grabbed her leggings, "Adam, you're coming, right?"

He suddenly found his feet, "Yes. Are you in pain? Can you dress yourself? What do I need to do?" His words jumbled together, a audible shakiness in his voice.

"Start by getting dressed, Adam." She replied.

THE NEXT DAY

She was exhausted, felt as if she'd never feel human again. She ached in places she never even knew she had, but she was happy.

Blissfully, beautifully happy.

She peered over at her husband, her favorite man.

He looked as rough as she felt, his hair was a mess a few strands had fallen in his eyes, she didn't need to see his eyes to know he was sleeping.

Finally.

What took her breath away was the tiny bundle on his chest, his strong arms wrapped lovingly around him. Kim knew that her son was safe in those strong arms, arms that had held just as lovingly.

Swaddled in the pale blue blanket, a gift from the Chicago Police department, a tiny stocking cap on his bald little head.

Their jelly bean.

Their baby boy.

Her favorite little boy.

Two had become three.

He'd been with them for nearly a day and she couldn't remember her life without him, it was as if the minute he was placed in her arms, a new life began.

Their life with their precious son.

On the edge of the blanket she caught sight of the intricate stitching on the blanket _'Adam Michael_.' He was to be named after his daddy, and she loved it. She truly did, but over the last few weeks another name had taken hold of her heart. She had yet to talk to Adam about it, but she she had to.

As if on cue, the baby began to squawk. His cry was the sweetest sound she had ever heard, though she was certain it wouldn't be quite so sweet in the middle of night.

To say she was surprised when Adam opened his eyes would be a massive understatement, "Hey man.." Adam spoke softly, kissing the top of the baby's head, "You hungry?" He asked.

Carefully he rose from the chair and gently laid him in Kim's arms, his heart swelled with love for two most important people in his life, his baby in Kim's arms took his breath away. "Hey.." Adam smiled as he stole sweet but all to brief kiss from his wife. He knew he'd have to get used to sharing Kim with his little boy. "I think the boy is hungry.." he grabbed a bottle of formula handed it to Kim.

Kim laughed as the baby gurgled and grunted as he ate, his lids heavy and he quickly drifted back to sleep as he ate.

"He's cute as fuck, isn't he?" Adam asked, stroking the boy's hand marveling at how long and slender his fingers were.

Kim rolled her eyes, "It won't be long before this little one talks, you might want to work on that mouth of yours..."

Adam saw an opening, "You love my mouth...at least that's what you said the other night..." he dodged her hand as she reached out to slap him. He let the rest of his sentence remain unsaid. He knew when it was best to just shut up. "I'm kidding. He's beautiful though, bald as can be but beautiful nonetheless."

Kim placed the empty bottle on the bed and moved the baby to rest against her shoulder, patting his back lightly. "He looks like you."

"Devastatingly handsome." Adam laughed.

"Something like that." She chuckled, "How much does naming him after you mean to you?"

He was a little unsure of why she was asking, "I don't know.." he shrugged, "Not that much, not really. Why?"

Kim inhaled the baby's scent as she nuzzled her nose under his chin, she couldn't get enough of him. All of the pain, and aggravation she had gone through to get to this moment had been worth it. As she nestled him in the crook of her arm she couldn't help but smile as her son looked up at her. His eyes as dark as his daddy's and she was captivated by them.

"What if Adam was his middle name, would that be ok?" She slipped the pacifier into the baby's mouth.

"First name?" Adam asked as situated himself behind Kim on the bed, resting his chin on her shoulder when she leaned back against him.

"For the last few weeks, I've had this name, it just stuck with me. I love it, and I'm not sure how you'll feel about it. Be honest, okay?"

"What is it?" He asked he ran the back of his index finger over the baby's forehead, pulling the hat further down on his head, "We need to get to work on that hair, Son. That's our bread and butter, the ladies love our hair. Your mom loves mine." He teased, "Tell me the name."

"Be honest. You won't hurt my feelings...he's your son as well. You should..."

Adam cut her off, "Name, baby. Tell me the name."

Kim took a deep breath, "Milo." She studied his face, looking for even the smallest indication of how he felt about.

Adam laughed, "That damn movie." He looked at his son, "Milo, huh? Whaddya think little man, you're the one who has to live with. Are you Milo Adam Ruzek?"

A soft gurgle from the baby made them both laugh, Adam smiled "Well that settles it. Welcome to the world Milo."

 **As I stated earlier, not entirely sure where this came from. My only guess is the Milo V. Interview I saw this morning. I hope this wasn't awful, I had fun writing it.**


	2. A Year Of Firsts

365 days.

An entire year and it felt like it was just yesterday.

Sweet little Milo was a year old, she felt her eyes well with tears, happy tears. Her little boy was the center of her universe, he was her heart. Milo and Adam. Her people, her soul mate and their little boy.

Life couldn't get any better.

She had spent a lot of time in the nursery with Milo, he was barely a month old when he turned from their seemingly content little boy into a screaming inconsolable little boy. He cried for hours on end, tears pouring from his eyes. His tiny little arms would flail, his hands clasped into little fists.

It was gut wrenching for her and Adam both, it seemed nothing they did helped their son.

That had been rough.

Kim had felt like a failure when she couldn't soothe Milo, and she had taken it out on Adam.

It had gotten ugly, Adam had stormed out many a nights. The slam of the door was always what brought Kim's tears. She would retreat to the nursery and sit in the rocking chair with Milo. Both of them crying, she would stay put until Milo eventually cried himself to sleep.

Adam would return, only to find both Kim and Milo asleep. He would gently lift the baby from Kim's arms and Lay him in his crib. Adam wouldthen wake Kim and he would apologize profusely to Kim for leaving.

One particular night had stuck out in her mind. Milo was just two months old and it had been a particularly rough day on all accounts. Adam had been working eighteen hour days for over a week, working diligently to find the abducted daughter of an Illinois senator. Sadly, her remains had been found in the trunk of a car parked in a parking garage. She had been horrifically abused and mutilated, she was five years old.

 _Adam had come home and sat on the back porch for a good hour before he came in and tried to behave as if nothing had happened. Though she knew, Al had called her earlier in the day to give her a heads up. Adam was barely holding it together, he had attacked the suspect leaving him in a bloody heap on the floor of the 21st._

 _He finally came inside and behaved as if nothing was wrong, he had grabbed the leftovers from the previous night and proceeded to heat it up. She was desperate to know Adam was doing but she knew that she needed to allow Adam to come to her. She decided to take advantage of Adam being home and Milo napping, it was the perfect time for a shower. A proper shower._

 _"Adam, I'm gonna jump in the shower, Milo's sleeping." Kim said as she wrapped her arms around his neck from behind as he sat at the table, "I love you." He may not be ready to talk but she was going to remind him that he was loved, she gave him a quick peck on the cheek._

 _He grunted something unintelligible and nodded his head in response._

 _Kim hadn't been in the shower when Milo's cries came over the monitor, Adam waited a minute or two to see if the infant would go back to sleep. When it was apparent he wasn't going back to sleep, Adam washed his hands and went to him._

 _"Hey Milo." Adam lifted him from the bassinet, "let's change that diaper." He spoke, Milo continuing to scream. His arms flailed widely, tears rolling down his cheeks. "Come on buddy. Daddy's hurrying, don't cry man." Adam placed on hand on Milo's tummy as he looked around for his pacifier finding one in one of the baskets on the shelf above the table. Each time Adam popped it in his mouth, Milo quickly rejected it allowing it to fall back on the table._

 _"Come on, son." Adam mumbled as he bounced around the room hoping to calm his little boy, he had shifted Milo so his tummy was laying across his forearm and his head sat in the palm of Adam's hand._

 _Sometimes it seemed to settle him, but it wasn't working at the moment. Adam moved him to his chest, Milo's head tucked into his neck, he was patting his back and Milo continued to scream._

 _Kim rarely he the time to enjoy a nice hot shower since Milo had been born, usually it was a quick in and out shower. It was nice to stand under the hot water and relax as it hit her back._

 _As she turned off the taps and stepped out, she could hear the shrill screams of her son._

 _Quickly she dried off and got dressed, she wrapped the towel around her hair and_ _followed the cries of her son._

 _Nothing could've prepared her for what she found._

 _She slowly pushed the door open and found Milo on the floor crying, as she stepped further in the room she found Adam._

 _He sat on the floor with his back against the wall, his knees pulled up to his chest._

 _He too was crying._

 _Kim picked Milo up off the floor, and for once he calmed down the minute he was in her arms. It was as if he knew something was wrong with his daddy and he needed to cooperate so his mommy could deal with it. She plopped the pacifier in his mouth, he eagerly sucked on it. He was content, she set him in the swing and turned it on. The rhythmic side to side motion had begun to lull the boy back to sleep, and she now turned her attention to her husband._

 _It appeared as if he had no idea Kim was in the room, she sat next to him. She slipped her arm around his, "Adam?"_

 _He didn't reply._

 _She leaned into him, "Adam, are you okay?"_

 _"No." His response was curt._

 _"Okay. Do you want to talk about it?" Kim was treading lightly, Adam was an enigma to her at times. He often got so wrapped up in a case that he would retreat into a bubble of sorts and it was as if no one else existed._

 _"I couldn't help him." He mumbled, "I tried..." he wiped his tears away with the back of his hand, "I tried...and nothing worked." He looked up at her, "We found her...I found her.." the composure he had gained was brief as he broke down again, "I couldn't help her..I didn't save her" tears streamed down his face, breaking Kim's heart._

Even now almost a year later it still sent chills down her spine.

Shortly after that they had learned Milo was dealing was dealing with colic. They had gone to a birthday party for Gabby and Matt Casey little girl Mia, Milo had started crying and Cindy Hermann had recognized the signs and showed them a few tricks. A call to the doctor, had confirmed it.

One of Kim's favorite memories of the last year was Adam gagging his way through an explosion of shit.

Or 'Shit-mageddon ' and in fairness to Adam he wasn't that far off.

 _"Eww" Kim jammed her fingers under her nose, "Adam, did you fart?" The aroma was intense and it was foul._

 _"No. I did not." He retorted, highly offended by her question, "I don't smell anything. Was it you? You're trying to pin it on me..aren't you? That's cold, Kim." He got up from the couch and went to her, stopping in the middle of the living room, "damn...you weren't kidding"_

 _Five month old Milo lay on his belly on his playmat, Adam kneeled down, "Darlin', your boy stinks. He's ripe."_

 _"Darlin', you found it." Kim retorted, "You know the rules, you find it you change."_

 _"But..."_

 _"No buts about it, babe. You're up." Kim laughed as Adam finally caved and picked Milo up, holding him under the arms and keeping him at arms length._

 _Milo happily kicking his legs oblivious to it all._

 _Adam grabbed his supplies and got to it, he went to pull the tiny CPD onesie up and he felt it, it was nasty. He knew in that moment he had a handful of shit, "Kim!" He screamed, he couldn't move and he didn't dare look at his hand. Seemed he could handle a dead body but his five month old's shit was vomit inducing._

 _"Don't be a baby.." Kim started to tease him, only to laugh hysterically as held his hand up for her to see and started to gag. Again._

 _Milo was squirming on the changing table, spreading shit everywhere, as much as she enjoyed watching Adam attempt to clean their son, she intervened. "Go. I got this."_

"Hey baby." Adam dipped his head to kiss her and Milo. "You're up early." He tickled his son's chin, "Happy Birthday buds."

Kim looked up at him "Time has flown, I can't believe he's one."

Adam sat on the small ottoman, "its wild. He's growing way too fast, I wish we could slow it down."

Kim ran her fingers through Milo's hair, "Me too. He's practically running."

"Our boy is a champ, aren't you big guy."

 _Adam propped his feet up on the coffee table, watching Milo as he played with his trucks._

 _Kim working on her laptop, "Babe he's only ten moths, give the Birthday part planning a break. Come sit with me." Adam patted the couch beside him._

 _It was a rare Saturday off for them both, and he planned on taking advantage of a weekend off._

 _She closed the laptop, "Just for a little bit." She plopped down beside him, watching as Milo babbled and crawled towards the table pulling himself up on it._

 _"My pop swears he will walk before his first birthday." Adam told her moving his legs and placing them in Kim's lap giving Milo more room._

 _"We're screwed if he does. Once he's walking it's all over. You'll have to stop leaving your shit everywhere, and we will need to baby proof."_

 _"Mama!" Milo called out as he bounced up and down._

 _"DaDa!" Adam teased as he climbed down to get on the floor with him, "Say it Milo. Say DaDa!"_

 _Milo let go off the table and took a shaky step and the another before falling into Adam's lap, "Hell yes!" Adam jumped up tossing Milo in the air "that's daddy's boy."_

 _Kim laughed through happy tears._

Kim brushed the hair from Milo's eye revealing the line of stitches just above his eyebrow, it was the first of many.

 _"Ball" Milo held the football in two hands, "Ball"._

 _"That's a football, Milo. Bring it to Uncle Kevin." Kevin told him._

 _As Milo toddled over towards Kevin he stumbled in slow motion both Kevin and Adam unable to catch the little boy as he started to fall._

 _The sound of Milo's head as it his the corner of the coffee table was sickening, the only thing worse was Milo's screams._

 _It was a nasty gash and the blood instantly started to pour from the wound._

 _Adam was up an holding Milo in his arms, "Oh man..let daddy see it." It had happened in slow motion and Adam was certain his heart had stopped beating when Milo had fallen._

 _"Adam, man. He's gonna need stitches, that's a deep cut." Kevin held the towel to Milo's head._

 _"Fuck." Adam felt like someone had reached into his chest and ripped his heart out._

 _Kevin grabbed his keys, "Come on I'll drive you"_

 _"You going to call my wife too?" Adam dreaded that call. He had taken Milo to Kevin so Kim could get a few things done for the birthday party tomorrow._

 _"Nope. I'm not that brave."_

 _"Some friend you are."_

Adam flinched at the sight, "I feel terrible about that, it was the worst feeling in the world. Seeing my boy in pain and all that blood." Milo's eye had swelled and bruised overnight and it only added to the overwhelming guilt Adam felt. "It all happened in slow motion, I watched him fall, Insaw his face hit the table..I couldn't move. I had never been so scared in my life. Then he started screaming, it was awful. I'm so sorry."

Kim handed him Milo, "Adam, it wasn't your fault. It was an accident, just the first of many I'm sure."

"We've had a lot of firsts this year, haven't we?" Adam kissed Milo's cheeks.

"We did, it's been an amazing year, and I can't wait to see what the next year brings us."

The party was in full swing, the house was packed with their friends and family, Kim finally found a minute to sit.

Milo was soaking up all the attention and more than happy to be passed from one pair of arms to the next, though he was currently chasing after Kevin and a couple of neighborhood kids as they played in the backyard.

"Hey, handsome." She kissed Adam quickly on the mouth before sitting his lap, "this is new territory for you, isn't it?"

He pushed her hair behind her ear, "What is?" He smiled at her, her eyes sparkling had his motor running. It never took much to get him going, but lately all it took was her just looking in his direction. "You think we could slip away?" He mumbled against her skin as he nuzzled her neck.

Kim leaned into him, "We can't." Though she really wanted to, "You're not the life of the party anymore..if you've been usurped by a one year old" she laughed, allowing his hand to slip under her shirt for just a moment or two.

"As long as I'm still the life of _your_ party darlin, it's all good." He groaned a bit when she stood up.

"Pull yourself together babe." She laughed, "its time for cake."

The cake had been a success, though it wasn't exactly clear how much if any had made it in to Milo's mouth. He was covered from his head to his toes, along with the area around his high chair.

After a quick bath, they now set about opening presents. Milo had taken to it like a fish to water, it had taken Adam just showing him once what to do and he was off. He had zero interest in any of the toys, books, or clothes that he had opened. He was quite content to play with the scraps of wrapping paper and boys.

Adam was like a kid in a toy store, he was pretty excited with the motorized ride on police car the intelligence unit had commissioned for Milo. To be fair Kevin and Jay were right there with him as they looked over the car, trying out the sirens and lights. Erin was quite proud of herself when Kim mentioned the seat belt in it. It had been Erin's idea and she had made it known.

Kimwaited for the crowd to quiet down, she excused herself and returned with a small gift bag.

"Adam, babe. Could you tear yourself away from your son's car for his a minute?" She handed him the bag.

It was light as a feather, "What's this?" He asked.

"It's for Milo." She told him, "Milo go sit with daddy."

She waited for Adam to sit down and then deposited Milo in his lap, she clasped her hands together in anticipation.

Adam pulled the tissue paper out, Milo quickly grabbed it and started tearing it, laughing hysterically Ashe did so.

The bag contained a pale blue shirt, Adam pulled it out.

"I've been promoted to big brother." Adam read, a look of confusion on his face, "Wait..what?"

Kim was beaming, "I'm pregnant!"

Adam jumped up and wrapped his arms around her, "That's fucking amazing!" He quickly apologized the minute the word slipped from his mouth.

"We get to do this all over again" Kim laughed, "You're happy, right?"

"I'm stoked. It's amazing news!"

"We will get another year of firsts." Kim looped her arms around his neck, she stood on her toes to capture his lips, forgetting all about the houseful of guests.

 **Just a little more fluff.**


	3. Sunshine After The Rain Part 1 of 2

"You okay?" Kevin had spent the last five minutes watching his buddy. Adam hadn't been himself in a long time, but it was way the Adam was sitting had him on edge.

He was still. Motionless.

Still was not s word in Ruzek's vocabulary.

Adam's head was bowed and he appeared to staring at his hands, when Kevin peered over Adam's shoulder he saw it. It took his breath away and he felt it in the pit of his stomach.

It was something that Adam didn't have on display and Kevin was certain he was only one who knew it was in the desk. The last year had brought so much joy and grief, Kevin had never felt so many conflicting emotions.

It was intense, to be so unbelievably happy and heartbroken at the same time was exhausting but what did him in most days was the guilt.

Adam slipped it in the drawer, "Huh? What?" The tears slowly receded, he'd become quite skilled at forcing the tears away.

"You looked a thousand miles away, Adam" Kevin moved to sit on the edge of the desk, pushing a photo of Kim and Milo to the side a bit, "How's Milo?"

Adam grabbed the photo, "Good. Fully embracing the idea of being a three year old" his third birthday just a few weeks away.

"How's Kim?" Kevin asked.

How his heart broke for her, she had been so happy. They all had been, it had been such a cruel twist of fate. One that he would never understand.

"Okay." Adam replied, he started rifling through the stack of files on his desk.

A clear indication that he was done talking.

Kevin smiled at the state of the living room, baby dolls strewn from one corner of the room to the other. He never knew an fifteen month old could cause so much destruction, but she could and she did.

He could hear their giggles in the kitchen, "Daddy's home!" He called out from the doorway, "Can I get in on this?"

He found Kara and sweet Kiana or KiKi as she was usually called sitting at the table eating ice cream right out of the carton.

Kevin laughed when KiKi shook her head vigorously, it was clear she was her mother's child and wasn't going to share her ice cream.

Kara got up and hugged him, "Baby, I love you but you're not having my ice cream" she went to wash her hands "How was work?"

"Alright. You talk to Kim?"

He rested his head on the steering wheel taking a few deep breaths, hoping to steady himself a bit. His house was a powder keg most days, but as it loomed closer it had only gotten worse.

He never knew what he would walk into and somedays he wanted to keep on driving and never look back, he'd never do it though. He couldn't leave them, Kim and Milo were his world. He hated feeling like this, he hated gasping for air when he'd wake up in the morning and he'd realize it wasn't a dream. He hated the burn in his chest when he'd hear Kim crying her eyes out in the shower. He hated seeing Kim clutching the blanket to her chest trying to breathe in the scent of their sweet little baby girl.

He hated hearing Milo ask over and over again for his 'sissy', he had loved that little girl from the minute he had laid eyes on her, and he didn't understand any of it.

Adam didn't either.

"Look mama!" Milo teetered precariously on the bottom step of the deck, he was neck deep in a dinosaur phase, "I a t-wex! Wawr !" He did his best roar and shortened his arms as best he could.

Kim laughed a bit, "Oh! Very scary Milo." She knew he was the only reason she was able to get up each morning, he was her reason for living.

"No be scared Mama, t-wexes not eat them's mamas just wittle dinos" he climbed in her lap, "you sad?"

He was an intuitive little boy, and had the sweetest heart. Kim wrapped her arms around him and held him tight. "I am, baby."

"Me too...I miss sissy." He picked a toy car up from the deck, spinning the back wheels with his finger as he spoke, "I'm sad." He often told them he was sad, but it was never out of the blue, it was only when either Kim or Adam were visibly upset. The rest of the time it was very out of sight out of mind, for Milo.

The house was spotless, and that was his clue that it had been a rough day. When the house was immaculate it was because Kim needed something to do. Cleaning had become a bit of a coping mechanism for her, and the state of their house was always an indicator of how she was doing.

Today was obviously not a good day, he was expecting it though they had just had a string of good days. Almost normal days, he knew that had to end.

It had.

"I did." Kara replied to Kevin, "I tried to get her to come out to lunch with me and KiKi but she said Milo wasn't feeling well and he was napping." She leaned against the counter, enjoying the sight of KiKi trying to feed Kevin a few spoonfuls of ice cream.

Kevin wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, "Adam was pretty down today too." He reached over and kissed KiKi's head, "I don't know how he does it." He grabbed a beer from the fridge, "I look at KiKi and I can't help but think of Lucy. Our girls were supposed to grow up together.." he paused, "..it's just not right."

His daughter's life lasted three weeks.

Three fucking weeks.

They had been a family of four for three fucking weeks.

21 days.

Their sweet little Lucy had given them 21 blissful days.

She was beautiful, her little head was perfectly shaped, unlike her big brother whose head had been a bit cone shaped. Her eyes were big and brown, Adam found himself drowning in them when he held her. She was a carbon copy of her mother and Adam was smitten with her.

As he made his way to the back of the house he stopped in front of the nursery, the door had been closed since that day. Neither him or Kim had been able to step foot in their little girl's bedroom. He placed his hand on the door for a brief moment before continuing outside.

He could see Kim and Milo both sitting together, Milo was obviously deep in a story of some sort. He was animated as he spoke, not unlike Adam. It was fun to watch the little guy go, his mouth moved a hell of a lot faster than his brain could which meant the stories often spun out into a thousand different directions.

Thank god for Milo.

Adam was terrified to think of where'd they be without him.

They had one picture of Milo holding Lucy and it was their most prized possession, that and the picture of the four of them together. Adam's favorite was the one of Kim holding Lucy in her arms.

They had almost turned down the newborn photo shoot that Erin had bought for them. It had to be done within days of being sent home from the hospital and the idea of having a guest over so soon was not appealing.

Erin had talked Kim into it and even came over to help out, and Adam was forever grateful.

Had they not listened they wouldn't have such beautiful family photos.

He stopped just before he hit the french doors that led to the backyard, a flash of lavender having caught his eye. He kneeled down and grabbed it from just under the couch, it was Lucy's little bear blanket.

It was soft as silk and it knocked him on his ass.

Milo must've found it.

He hadn't seen it since that day.

" _I_ _can't believe you're going back to work" Kim whined from the bed as Adam was getting dressed, "it's so early"_

 _Adam buttoned his jeans, "I know. I want to go over the case notes...I want to know what we're dealing with." He had only been out a few weeks, but the case they had caught was a big one, "you'll send me pictures of the kids...right?"_

 _Kim smiled, "Kids. I love that." She was head over heels in love with him and their children, they're life was perfect, "I will. I'm really going to miss you.."_

 _Adam sat on the edge of the bed, "Not as much as I will miss you..I will try and sneak away for a bit..maybe around lunchtime."_

 _"Perfect. We will be waiting."_

He never saw his daughter alive again, he didn't make it to lunch.

His world was shattered just moments after the sun had risen.

 _Trudy escorted the patrol officers upstairs, their faces grim. Trudy was in a state of disbelief and shock. Surely, they had gotten it wrong._

 _"Umm..where's Adam?" Trudy looked around the bullpen, everyone but Adam present._

 _"Taking a piss.." Jay announced, "What'd he do now?"_

 _Erin got up from her desk, the look in Platt's eyes had chilled her to the bone, "Shut up Jay. Trudy, what is it? Is everything okay?"_

 _Trudy shook her head, afraid to open her mouth, "Adam. I need Adam." She finally forced out, watching as Al got up and went to get him._

 _The two patrol officers hung back in a quiet corner, no one wanting to bear witness to what was about to go down._

 _Adam felt his blood run cold, "Tell me." He had busted Al's balls a bit on the walk over from the bathroom, but now he was scared shitless._

 _The officer stepped forward, "EMS responded to a call at your residence about twenty minutes ago..."_

 _Adam felt his knees buckle, Al's arms grabbed on to him, "W-what is wrong?" It took all he had to form those three little words._

 _"Let's go." The officer replied._

 _"Come on, kid. I'm coming with." Al told him as he started to propel Adam towards the stairs._

 _"Me too." Trudy replied, "You stay and fill them in." She told one of the officers, "Someone will run you back to your district."_

 _The young officer nodded his head._

Nothing would've prepared Adam for what they found at his house, nothing at all.

 _Adam sprinted across the yard and charged through the door, Milo was screaming and red faced in the arms of a paramedic. He grabbed his boy and smothered him with kisses and held him close._

 _His relief was short lived, as he went further in he was nearly swallowed whole by his fear._

 _He felt someone take Milo from him and he stumbled towards Kim who sat on the floor cradling their baby girl. He dragged his eyes away from Kim and looked around at the numerous people in his house, some he recognized others he didn't. The same look on all of their faces, a few tried to hide their tears._

 _He saw them._

 _He knew._

 _"Lucy, baby. Open your eyes!" Kim pleaded, "please Lucy, do it for mommy..please baby" she wailed, clutching the lifeless body to her bosom, "Lucy!" She screamed, her pain was palpable and it was gut wrenching._

 _Adam sat down beside her, "Kim..." he wrapped his arms around her, "Lucy..." his voice cracked, tears slipped from his eyes, "..she's gone..baby. Lucy's gone." He gently touched her face, the warmth had already left her body and his heart fell from his chest, broken beyond repair._

 _Kim finally looked at him, fury and rage danced in her eyes, "No!" She punched his chest, pushing him away, "She's tired! Just give her a minute..you'll see.." she kissed the baby's cheek, "Lucy..please..Lucy..baby.." she sobbed, burying her face in the infants neck._

 _Adam did the only thing he could do, he held her._

It had been agonizing to allow the medical examiner to take her.

" _No!' Adam shouted when the ME came in with the unnaturally small body bag, "No fucking way!" He yelled as Kevin restrained him. "Don't you put my baby in that.."_

 _Kevin fought his own tears, his little girl just a few weeks older, "Adam...come on let's go sit down..come on."_

 _Adam broke free and pushed the ME away from the baby, "She's my little girl. I'm her father...I will do it." He gently lifted her in his arms, carefully cradling her head. "Daddy's sorry.." he sobbed, he slowly walked her out of the house._

 _Gabby opened the ambulance door, chewing on the inside of her cheek, "I will take it from here, Adam. Let me have Lucy." Her voice wobbled, "Let me do this for you and Kim. I will stay with her..I promise."_

 _Reluctantly Adam handed Lucy over to his friend, he could hear Kim's guttural sobs behind him, Milo calling for him. He kissed Lucy's head, "I love you..." he stumbled backwards, landing in Al's arms._

He had lived in a fog for weeks on end after that day, he and Kim both. His father had been a life saver coming to stay with them. He may not have been a very hands on dad when Adam was a kid but he was going his best to make up for it now.

When Bob wasn't able to be around, Nicole and her husband stayed with them.

Milo had been confused and acted out, Kim was zombie like. She barely ate, and rarely slept. She refused to let Milo out of her sight at night, having him sleep in bed with her and Adam.

The guilt she felt when they learned that Lucy had died from SIDS was immense and she blamed herself for having Lucy sleep alone in the nursery. It didn't seem to matter that Milo had slept in the nursery and he had been okay.

He had to push those thoughts from his head, Milo heard the door open and his face lit up, "Daddy!" Milo jumped into his arms.

Adam smiled, "Milo! I missed you, were you a good boy?"

Milo pulled back to look at him, "I so good. Poppy came over, he got me a Dino." He held the small toy up, "it's uh..it's..ah..mommy..what's it called?"

Kim got up, "A pterodactyl, Milo. A bird dinosaur"

Milo grinned, "That's it! Poppy said it's like Trudy. A really old bird. That's funny, daddy."

Adam nodded, "It is, don't tell Trudy. She'll have Poppy's balls."

Kim clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth, "Really Adam?"

"Sorry." He smirked.

Kim rolled her eyes, Adam was worse than Milo some days. She gathered his discarded clothes, and went in the bathroom.

She yanked the curtain open causing Adam to jump a bit, "Shit! Darlin', you scared me." He looked over his shoulder, "you coming in?"

"No." She held up the pile of clothes, "You left these on the floor in the bedroom...you're aware the hamper is in here, correct?"

"Sorry, I was just gonna bring the hamper out" he confessed, he was quick on his fit and was able to bail himself out of numerous jams.

Never with Kim though.

She laughed, "Nice try." Her eyes danced as she laughed and it warmed Adam's heart a bit, "Please put your clothes in the hamper..if Milo can do it you can too."

"Milo gets a prize..I bet if I could get a prize I would do it. I've even got a few suggestions..." he fell quiet when he looked over and saw Kim sitting on the floor, he turned the water off and grabbed a towel. "Baby?"

She had tears in her eyes, "It was with your clothes..you had it?" She held the small bear against her cheek, "I thought it was gone.." it still held the faintest scent of their daughter.

Adam helped her to her feet. "I found it when I got home from work. It was with one of Milo's toys under the couch, I think he had it. I'm sorry."

Kim grabbed his face, "No! Don't be sorry. I'm glad we have it. I thought it was gone.." she choked on a sob, "We don't have much..I miss her. I miss our baby girl." She fell against Adam's chest.

"Me too. So much. I think about her all the time, what she'd look like. How she would drive Milo crazy, how much she'd love you." Adam wiped the tears from beneath her eyes, "I'd like to think Lucy would be just like you, she'd have your heart. Your smile, and maybe she'd love me like you do."

"Oh she would Adam, my god she'd love you so much. I think she'd be such a daddy's girl. I would've loved watching you two together. Even as little as she was I think she preferred you..I want my baby Adam."

"Me too."

Kim pulled back from him, "I want to try again, Adam. I want another baby." She hadn't been able to think about anything else for days. "I'm ready."

Adam held her hand, "Are you sure? We have plenty of time."

Kim kissed him hard, "Adam, I'm sure. I want another baby. I want Milo to have another little brother or sister. He was an amazing big brother to Lucy, I want that again. I want it for Milo, I want it for me and I want it for you. We can't replace Lucy, I don't want us to not have another baby because of Lucy though."

Adam ran his hand through her hair, "I want that too."

The sun blanketed their bedroom in a soft light, Kim had woken as the first rays hit the room, Adam still slept.

She curled into him, memories of the previous night had warmed her from the inside out, he had been tender and sweet. He had loved every inch of her and it had been blissful. They had made love many times since Lucy's death but last night had been different.

It had been perfect.

She couldn't help but hope that it resulted in a baby.

In her head he knew it was crazy to start thinking that way, but she couldn't help herself.

She ran her hand over her tummy hoping that just maybe they had made a baby.

 **I'm sure I'm not your most favorite person at the moment and I'm sorry...I hope to redeem myself in part two of this little story**.


	4. Sunshine After The Rain Part 2 of 2

**Five Months later.**

She had grown accustomed to waking up like this, Adam's cheek pressed against her belly whispering words of love to the baby growing in her womb. The last five months had been incredibly happy, they missed Lucy with all they had and when what would have been her first birthday rolled around it was hard.

They had sealed themselves up in a little bubble and shut the world out, it had was an emotional day but they had recovered and each day it got a bit easier.

Lucy was never far from their thoughts.

Kim ruffled his hair, "Hey.." her voice still laced with sleep, "when'd you get in?"

He sat up, "A little after midnight..so much for waiting up for me huh?"

Kim frowned, "I'm sorry..I tried..but our gummy bear had other thoughts" she had developed a serious addiction to green gummy bears.

Adam rubbed her belly once more, "I forgive you..though, I wouldn't protest if you wanted to make it up to me.." he inched his hand down her belly and beneath the sheets.

Milo burst through the bedroom door, "Mommy, I wet." His Blackhawks pajamas soaked with urine.

Kim stifled her laughter when she heard Adam groan, "Yes, you are. Come on, let's get you in the tub."

Adam rolled over, "I'll strip the bed."

This had become almost a daily occurrence for them, Milo had breezed through potty training but refused to wear diapers at night and this was the price they paid.

As Milo tucked into his lunch they sat snuggled up on the couch, "Its your call but..I'd really like to start telling people." Adam kicked his feet up on the coffee table, "Atwater was asking all sorts of questions last night."

Kim knew they needed to start telling people but she was fearful of all the questions they may ask or if they'd ask about Lucy. "I know. It's been kind of nice with it being our secret, just ours."

Not even Milo knew, simply because they knew damn well once Milo knew all of Chicago would know. The kid had loose lips.

"You just say the word."

Kim jumped up excitedly, "A gender reveal party." She giddily clapped her hands together, "it's perfect."

"What the hell is that?" Adam wore a look of confusion.

"We will have a party to announce what we're having."

"We don't know what we're having. You want to be surprised." He was desperate to know but Kim wanted to wait, now it seemed that had changed.

"We have an appointment next week. They can write it down and we will take it to the florist down by the 21st. They'll fill a balloon with either pink or blue confetti. We pop it and voila..gender revealed."

Adam liked the sound of that, "That's perfect. That'll be a fun way to announce it. People are gonna lose their shit. I can already here Platt's bitching."

Kim looked over at Milo, "I want to wait to tell him too, he can pop the balloon. He will be so excited."

"I'm excited too babe." He kissed her gently, "I think the rain's gone, nothing but sunshine for the Ruzek's."

Three weeks had passed at it was finally time to let the rest of the world in on their secret, Kim was chomping at the bit to find out what they were having. She had gone back and forth on it, some days she wanted a boy afraid that a girl would feel too much like replacing Lucy and other days she longed for another daughter.

Even though their time with Lucy was brief, painfully brief she had caught a glimpse of Adam with a daughter and she needed that, it was like a drug and she craved it.

She wanted another daughter, and she was sure Adam did as well.

Her belly was growing too large to continue to hide so she was pleased she would no longer have to hide it in. In just a few short hours everyone would know they were having a baby, and she'd know if it was a boy or a girl.

Adam was busy doing some last minute shopping, grabbing plenty of alcohol and a box of cigars, he'd beg Kim for forgiveness on that one. She hated his cigar habit, but this was a celebration and he was gonna go all out.

"I hungry." Milo announced from the back seat, "Nuggets!"

Adam knew his son had spotted McDonalds up the road a bit, "Alright pal..let's get you a happy meal." He knew Kim wouldn't appreciate Milo eating fast food but he was all for breaking the rules today.

Kara changed KiKi, "Did Adam ever tell you what today was about?" Kim had been tight lipped about it, just made her promise they'd come.

Kevin searched for his other sneaker, "Nope. Just said it's a party. You know I won't turn down a party."

Kara laughed, "Ain't that the truth...and here's your shoe. Your daughter was trying to wear it." KiKi was adorable, and while many girls pranced around in their mother's shoes, her daughter tried to wear her daddy's Jordans.

It was precious.

"My girl has good taste. Just like her daddy."

"Poppy! It's a party day!" Milo jumped up and down, "wanna play with me?"

Bob smiled, "Sure buddy. Just let me talk to daddy."

Adam handed his father a beer, "Hey Pops." He handed it to him, "glad you could make it."

Bob to a long refreshing pull from the bottle, he had paid close attention to his son and daughter in law as of late and he had a hunch, "You wanna tell me what we're celebrating, son?"

Adam smirked, "Nope. You'll have to wait just like everyone else."

The house was a buzz with guests, and Kim grabbed Adam, "Go get the balloon, baby." She whispered in his ear. It had been killing her for the last few hours knowing the answer they so desperately wanted was sitting in a closet.

Kim held a very reluctant Milo on her hip as Adam came back downstairs a confused quiet fell over the assembled crowd.

Even Kim had to giggle a bit, it was a bit odd watching Adam carry the black balloon across the room, the goofiest grin on his face.

Adam spoke first, "I'm sure you're all a bit confused.."

"I knew it!" Erin shouted, "I knew it! You're pregnant aren't you?" She was practically squealing with delight.

Adam scowled, "Way to ruin the surprise Erin.." he quipped.

Kim swatted his hand, "Yes we are. In this balloon is either pink or blue confetti. Milo will pop it."

Milo bopped the balloon as it bounced on the string, "Milo, you're getting a new brother or sister. There's a baby in my belly." Kim finally told him, tears in her eyes.

"A baby? Like sissy in heaven?" He asked, his eyes wide with amusement.

"Yep." Adam replied, giving Kim a supportive squeeze. "Let's pop it boy." Adam handed it son the wooden dowel.

Milo scrunched his face up and struck it with all his might, "It's pink!" He yelled out announcing the color of the confetti as it flitted to the ground.

Bob swooped in a plucked Milo from Kim's arms allowing, Adam and Kim to embrace.

It was as if no one else was in the room with them, Adam held tightly to Kim as she cried. A mixture of emotions flooded her, and Adam both.

"A little girl" Adam mumbled into her hair, "Lucy is sending us another princess."

Bob had taken Milo home with him that night, allowing Kim and Adam some alone time to process everything. As excited as they were it had also brought their grief to the surface a bit. They had sought comfort in each other's arms, and mourned the loss of their daughter once more.

The rest of Kim's pregnancy had flown by and it wasn't long before they got to meet their new daughter.

Emerson Lucy Ruzek was a beautiful baby, a head full of dark silky hair and eyes just like her sister's. She had a tiny birthmark on the small of her back that a nurse had deemed 'a kiss from an angel' her words resonated with Kim and Adam both.

The nurse had no knowledge of Lucy, nor did she realize how comforting her words had been to the both of them.

She was a big girl, coming in at nearly nine pounds, much larger than both of her siblings. She was long too, just over 22 inches, and had rolls for days as Kevin had pointed out.

They had decided from the instant they discovered they were pregnant that she would spend the first year of her life in their bedroom.

The first time she had slept through the night, Kim had woken up in a panic and raced to Emme's crib fearing the worst. Relief overwhelmed her when she saw the steady rise and fall of her chest.

Kim's cries had woken Adam up and he raced to her, and held her in their arms as they both cried.

Each night Kim fought with the same demons, but each morning she woke to Emme, as the night turned to weeks, and weeks to months it lessened. The fear that had gripped her heart so tightly slipped away.

Now as she watched her one year old daughter crawl all over Milo and Adam as they lay on the floor.

She was blissfully beautifully happy once again.

 **Well, I hope this makes up for the sadness in the first part, and you no longer hate me**.


	5. Kindergarten

"No Emme!" Milo screamed, frantically trying to save his lego tower from his little sister, "Mommy!" He wailed when one his structures toppled over, legs crashing to the floor, "She broke it!" He whined.

Milo was quickly tiring of his sister's antics, she was eighteen months old and thought her big brother walked on water. Sadly, he didn't always reciprocate her feelings, he loved her for sure but she was annoying.

Emme had her favorites, Milo and Adam stood at the top of the list followed by her Poppy and then Kim.

Kim could hear the crack in her little boy's voice, she tossed the dish towel on the counter and retreated to the living room.

Emme stood in front of her big brother thoroughly enjoying herself, she was clearly proud of her path of destruction

"Emme..you know the rule princess if you didn't build it..you mustn't break it." She scooped the toddler up and moved her to the couch, "Here, read your book." She handed her the well loved, 'No David!' board book.

A book Adam joked should've been titled, 'No Emme!'

The eighteen month old kept them on their toes, they had thought Milo was a wild child; he had nothing on Emerson.

Tears rolled down Milo's cheek, he sniveled a bit before wiping his eyes with the back of his hand, "That was my best one...I wanted to show daddy." He dumped the plastic bricks into the massive tub next to the couch. "She broke it...she's dumb. I hate her mommy."

Kim was taken aback by his tone and his words, "Milo! You don't hate Emme. You're angry with her, and that's okay. It's not okay to say you hate your sister. Not at all..not ever. You love Emme and she loves you so much. She just wants to play with you, that's all."

"She breaks everything" he was clearly exasperated.

"I know, but remember she's just a baby." Kim ran her fingers through his hair, "How 'bout once Emme is in bed I will help you build another one. Does that sound good?"

Milo nodded his head, "I can stay up until daddy comes home?" His eyes sparkled, "when the moon is out?"

Kim tapped his nose with her index finger, "Yes. When the moon is out."

"So cool!" Milo pumped his fist in excitement.

"Just a few more late nights, sweetheart. School starts in just a few weeks." Kim told him. Milo was pretty clueless as to what was awaiting him, and that was fine with Kim.

Kindergarten was on the horizon.

Six years had flown by.

Just the mere thought of school sent Kim into a panic attack, she was not ready for this. She could no longer put it off, Milo was six and he needed to be in school.

Losing Lucy had made it nearly impossible for Kim to allow her children out of her sight for even just a few hours. It had been a point of contention numerous times for her and Adam, they'd have a knock down drag out fight because of it. Kim would end up in tears and Adam would walk out.

After a few hours Adam would return, he'd apologize profusely. Navigating their grief over Lucy was hard, really fucking hard.

People claimed time would heal all wounds, those people had never buried their infant daughter.

Milo's voice broke through the fog that had settled over Kim, "When's daddy coming home? My eyes are sleepy." He rubbed his eyes as he climbed in Kim's lap, his lego tower sitting on the coffee table, "I'm tired."

Kim wrapped her arm around his shoulder, pulling him against her, "Soon. Daddy just had to finish some paperwork. How about you rest your eyes for a little bit, and daddy will wake you up when he gets home."

"Okay, mommy." Milo got up from her lap and snuggled up in the corner of the couch, and was out cold in mere minutes.

Kim went about straightening up the living room, the kids were akin to a tornado it never ceased to amaze her. They could destroy a room in under five minutes, toys strewn all over the place.

She wouldn't complain though, she loved her life.

Adam dropped his keys in glass bowl on the sideboard, unholstered his weapon and quickly locked it up in the safe.

He could hear the television on in the living room, he laughed softly when he spotted Kim and Milo both sleeping.

He lightly shook Kim's arm, "Baby, wake up." He placed a feather light kiss on her lips.

"My husband will be home soon.." she whispered against his lips.

"You're such a comedienne babe." He lifted her legs and sat down, dropping them back down in his lap. "The boy isn't in bed..rough night?"

Kim relished the feeling of Adam's hands as he caressed the back of her legs, "No, he wanted to see you. He tried to stay up, he wanted to show you that." She pointed to the tower of legos on the table, "Emme broke the 'best one ever' so we rebuilt it as best we could. He tried so hard to stay awake."

Adam looked over at him, he was still a thumb sucker and Adam was afraid he'd be sucking his thumb in high school, "I'm sorry...I tried to get home sooner. We all got an ass chewing.."

"Over?"

"Not important. How was your day? How's my Emme?" Adam leaned into the arm of the couch, "aside from destroying lego towers." She was a pint sized wrecking ball.

Kim repositioned herself between Adam's legs, her back against his chest. His fingers finding their way to the sliver of exposed skin between her tank top and sleep shorts, "We went to the park, blew bubbles and played on the slide. Your son has no fear, he was jumping from everything."

Adam dipped his head to kiss the crown of her head, "Emme loves bubbles doesn't she." Had she been looking at him she would've seen the twinkle in his eyes.

He felt Kim nod her head, "Most kids do."

"Did you blow bubbles as a kid?" Adam asked.

"I'm sure I did." Kim replied, instantly realizing she had given him exactly what he wanted.

Adam smirked, "He says thanks."

Kim rolled her eyes and she turned to look up at him, "You're a jerk.." she laughed, "You will never get bored with that joke..will you?"

Adam laughed, "Not when you make it so easy...you know..you blew bubbles..maybe you could..."

Kim turned on her side and brought her hand up his thigh and to the button of his jeans, "you'd like that wouldn't you.." she unbuttoned his jeans and tugged lightly on the zipper.

Adam sucked in a breath as her hand brushed against him, "Uh, Kim I fucking love you and I love where this is headed...but Milo is right there." He pointed to their sleeping son.

Kim straddled him, "Put." She kissed his neck, "Him." She moved to kiss his earlobe, "In" she kissed across his jaw, "Bed." She captured his lips in a heated kiss, "and I'll blow your mind..and.." her hand slipped inside his boxers.

Adam practically threw her off of him, "Done." He had Milo up and in bed in a flash.

Kim could hear their voices, her lips curved into a smile at the sound of it. She finally opened her eyes and was a bit shocked to see it was after ten. Rarely did she get to sleep in, and she was tempted to stay in bed.

It was the aroma of bacon wafting upstairs that convinced her to get out of bed.

"Easy.." Adam stood beside Milo as the little boy attempted to flip the pancake, "You got it..." he gripped his shoulders, Milo looking up at Adam with bright eyes and a enormous smile.

"I did it daddy! I flipped it." Milo giggled.

"You did. You're a champ." Adam helped him jump down from the counter, "can you get me a plate for mommy?"

"Yes." Milo go to it.

Kim plucked Emme from the high chair, "Wow, pancakes and bacon, today's my lucky day." She tickled Emme's neck.

"You were supposed to have breakfast in bed, babe." Adam whined, before kissing Kim, Emme turned her head towards him her mouth wide open. She too wanted a kiss, Adam happily obliged, though he could've done without her tongue licking the tip of his nose.

"I don't need breakfast in bed, just sleeping in was enough." Kim sat at the table with Emme in her lap.

"Well, I figured after last night I owed you." He teased.

"I'm pretty sure we are even, you brought your A game last night." She felt the warmth as it spread across her cheeks, she was hardly a prude but he could still make her blush, just the thought of him was enough to bring a blush to her cheeks.

"I am quite skilled." He boasted.

"Oh nuts..you're up." Milo groaned, "you were 'upposed to be in bed.." he shoved the plate in Adam's hands, "its more fun in bed, isn't it daddy?"

Adam laughed, "It certainly is son. It certainly is."

Kim cut her eyes at her husband, "I'm sorry." she grabbed Milo's hand, "but now we can all eat together. That'll be fun, right?"

"I guess."

Adam checked his cell, feeling disappointed when nothing had jumped off. He wasn't one to wish for a case on his day off but it would've been welcomed today.

The mall was his least favorite place to be, and they'd been at it for what felt like hours.

Milo had inherited Kim's love of shopping and was happily bouncing from store to store. He was currently trying on at least a dozen different pairs of sneakers. Kim insisted that he needed multiple pairs, and the sales person was delivering.

Emme was less than pleased to be in the stroller, she had made that crystal clear. Her body was still recovering from the epic temper tantrum she had thrown.

She had wanted a cookie and Adam had made the mistake of getting her out of the stroller so she could pick a cookie from the large display case. She walked alongside them for a bit a ginormous chocolate chip cookie in her hand. She had done well until the cookie crumbled and she dropped the bulk of it on the floor. From that moment on she was done, crocodile tears poured from her eyes and she refused to walk. Emme lost her shit the minute Adam scolded her and returned her to the stroller.

Thirty minutes later she was still pissed, though her tears had dried up the scowl she was sporting was proof that she wasn't over it. In fact she was more than a little pissed off at Adam and she was making sure Adam knew it.

Adam was relieved when Kim and Milo finally exited the store.

"Look!" Milo proudly showed off the gray Nike sneakers, "I got five sneakers! These are so fast daddy. I tried them in the store, don't worry the man said I could. They gots a track to test out shoes." Milo plopped the lollipop back in his mouth.

"Five pairs? Really?" Adam took the bags from Kim, "I'm gonna need a second job, just to pay for his sneakers."

Kim shoved him playfully, "He needed a new pair for now. Plus, they are running a great sale."

"Sure." Adam nodded, "Are we done? I'm fucking starving."

"What will happen after the bus?" Milo asked, "then I will see you?"

Kim stroked his hair, "Yes. I will be at the bus stop waiting for you." This had been their nightly ritual for the last week or so. She was beginning to fear that Milo had picked up on her fears.

"Every day?"

"Every day. If I'm not there daddy will be. You're going to love school."

Milo turned to face her, "I don't think so mommy. School doesn't sound fun."

"It'll be fun buddy, you'll make new friends and get to learn lots of cool things." Kim explained, "you'll love it" she wasn't who she was trying to convince was it Milo? Or was it herself?

Milo yawned, "I'm not so sure mommy."

Kim chuckled, "You will. Now, it's time to close those eyes and rest baby." She kissed him, "I love you."

"Love you too mommy." Milo replied, his eyes fluttering closed.

Adam leaned on Emme's crib, her bottom up in the air clutched tightly in her hand was her big sister's 'lovie' it still was like a knife to his heart. Seeing the silky lavender fabric brought tears to his eyes. Lucy never had the chance to grow attached to the toy but Emme certainly had. She took it with her wherever she went, and unlike Milo's stuffed puppy it would never be left behind. They had taken a trip to New York to visit with some of Kim's friends and Milo's puppy had been left at the hotel. It had been a rough few nights afterwards, but he eventually got over it. A stuffed dinosaur from Platt had helped.

Losing Lucy's lovie wasn't an option, it was irreplaceable and priceless. When Milo had first mentioned giving it to Emerson, Kim refused. It belonged to Lucy and it would stay Lucy's. Though it seemed Milo wouldn't let that get in his way, he always dropped it in the bassinet or in the pack and play, eventually Kim gave up and Emme fell in love with it.

It was really sweet, and it was Emme's only connection to her big sister.

Kim rested her hand on the small of his back, "Milo is out like a light, how'd Emme do?"

"Fought the good fight." He wrapped an arm around her, "though she didn't win."

"She's a night owl, that's for sure." They stood in silence for a few minutes,they often stood beside her crib just watching her sleep. They'd do the same in Milo's room, they knew that at any moment their children could be taken from them. They made sure to soak up all they could, never letting an opportunity go to waste.

Adam looked over his shoulder at Kim, "Do you ever wonder? You know...what..what Lucy would be like?" He returned his focus on Emme, "What she would look like?"

Kim hugged his arm, "All the time, Adam."

Adam leaned his chin on the crib's railing, "I think about her all the time..sometimes it just hits me out of nowhere. I'll see a little girl, and it's like a kick in the balls. It's suffocating some days."

Kim wiped a few tears from her cheeks, "I know. KiKi is starting pre school. Lucy should be with her, that's all I can think about. Our little girl..she should be with her. They would've been so cute together.."

KiKi Atwater was precious and they loved her dearly but she was a physical reminder of what they had lost. The two girls would've been just months apart, it was hard to watch KiKi grow up.

"I think she'd be like you..she'd look like you." Adam stood up straight, "She'd drive Milo crazy.."

Kim laughed a bit, "You'd be putty in her hands. Lucy and Emerson, your girls." Kim wrapped her arms around herself, "Its still hurts..I feel like I'm drowning some days.."

Adam caught her as the grief caused her knees to buckle, "I miss her.." he mumbled as he held her.

The last week of summer flew by, Adam had caught a case and worked nearly eighteen hour days. He'd come home to grab an hour or two of sleep before jumping in the shower and be out the door again in a flash.

Milo and Emme both struggled when Adam worked long hours and it wasn't fun for Kim either. Milo had become a bit of button pusher and was clearly pushing the limits a bit to see just what he could get away with. Emerson had decided to give up sleeping for more than an hour at time and a sleepy Emme wasn't pleasant.

When Kim heard the case had been closed and Adam had taken a week off, she nearly jumped for joy. She made sure Adam knew just how appreciative she was, in fact she showed him multiple times; in multiple places and ways.

Now as they stood in front of Lincoln Park Elementary Kim wanted to scoop Milo up and run for the hills.

He had been excited for school the last couple of days, only for that excitement to vanish and leave a terrified little boy in its wake.

"That's a serious playground, Milo." Adam crouched down beside his son, pointing to the large play structure and large field, a row of swings a few yards away from the play structure. "So cool."

Milo wasn't having it, he grabbed Kim's right hand with both of his burying his face in her hip, "No!" He cried.

Adam tugged on the massive blue backpack he was wearing, "Come on, kid. It'll be fun."

"I'm sick." Milo mumbled.

Kim ran her finger through his hair, "Honey, it's okay. Let's go inside." She was grateful Bob had volunteered to watch Emme for them, she wasn't sure how Milo would do with being dropped off and wrangling Emme would only add to an already trying situation.

"I don't want to!" He stood motionless, refusing to budge.

Kim tugged lightly on his hand, "Let's go baby. Come on." She moved towards the door and Milo only dug his heels in deeper, he wasn't going in.

Adam stood with his hands on his hips, "Milo let's go. You're going to school, so get moving" he pointed towards the door.

Milo folded his arms across his chest, his brow furrowed and his eyes narrowed, "No. I'm not."

"Yes you are, son." Adam nudged his shoulder, desperate to maintain his composure with his son, "We can do this two ways. You can walk in, or I can carry you...but Milo, you're going in, son."

Kim glared at Adam, "Just give him a minute Adam." She kneeled in front of her son, "I know you're scared, but it will be okay. I promise. The other kids are scared too, but you'll be fine. Let's just go on inside okay?"

Milo looked between his parents, "You'll come too? You'll stay?"

"We will come in and we can stay for a few minutes." Kim was encouraged when he slipped his hand in hers and followed her as she walked towards the door. She was a bit miffed with Adam and his gruffness with their son.

The room was bright, the walls decorated with motivational posters and various animals. It was inviting and Kim found Milo's name written on a table, "Look Buddy, here's your seat." She pointed to his name, she pulled the chair out, "Sit down."

Milo dropped his backpack at his feet and sat down, his fingers tracing the letters in his name, a little girl to the right of his seat and another boy to the left, "Daddy?"

"Yea, buds?" Adam rubbed the back of Milo's head.

"I don't want to stay here.." Milo's eyes filled with tears, "I'm scared."

Adam bit the inside of his cheek, "Man..it's okay, it's just a short day today. Remember?"

Kim knew the tears were coming and she hated it, "Milo don't cry.." everything in her was screaming at her to not pick him up but she couldn't help it. He wrapped his arms around her neck and his legs around her waist and sobbed.

Adam rubbed his back, "Milo, it's gonna be okay. You need to let go of mommy. You've got to stay."

The teacher walked over, "Milo, honey. It's time for mommy and daddy to go. We need to start our day."

Milo buried his face in the crook of Kim's neck, "No!"

Adam pried Milo's arms apart and pulled him from Kim, handing him to the teacher, "I love you buddy, you're going to be fine."

Kim stood on her toes and placed a quick kiss on Milo's cheek, "I love you baby."

She knew she had to leave, that Milo would be okay. He was safe and he would have fun, the quicker she and Adam left the quicker Milo would get over it.

Didn't mean it made it any easier.

Her heart broke, hearing Milo's cries as they walked the length of the long kindergarten hallway.

As soon as they arrived at the truck Kim lost it, Adam held on to her as she cried her eyes out.

They had stopped for breakfast and while Adam had inhaled his food, Kim had barely touched hers. Milo's cries still bouncing around in her head, she felt physically ill. Adam had tried to comfort her, but she wouldn't be okay until they picked Milo up.

Four hours had never taken so long, and Kim was anxious to pick Milo up. They were the first to arrive and waited as patiently as she could they waited for the doors to open.

Though they weren't the only anxious parents waiting to be allowed inside the building. The crowd was fairly significant, and Kim and Adam talked with the mother of the little girl who was seated beside Milo.

"Your little boy your only child?" She asked, "Sadie is my youngest. I've got four. It gets easier."

Kim smiled nervously, "He's our oldest. I hope so. It was really hard leaving him." Kim bounced on her toes, "it took all I had to walk out without him."

Sadie's mother rubbed Kim's arm, "Trust me you'll have no problem leaving him in a few weeks. He's absolutely adorable by the way. Just the cutest little thing."

Kim grinned, "I think so too, thanks."

As the doors finally opened they moved inside, and Kim was leading the charge.

As they approached the class room, the assistant teacher stopped them, "Look!" She pointed to the block center where Milo and two other boys sat building various structures, "He's had a great day. He didn't cry for long."

Kim watched through watery eyes as Milo and the other boys giggled happily as they knocked the buildings over, "He did okay?"

The assistant nodded her head, "Okay? He did great. He actually consoled the little guy he's playing with, the one with the red hair. That's Ian. He was distraught and Milo comforted him. It was precious, they've been playing together ever since."

Milo's eyes locked on Kim, he dropped the blocks in his hands and raced towards her, "Mommy!" He jumped into her arms, nearly knocking her over, "I had fun!"

Kim kissed his head, "that's great news buddy. I knew you would." She returned him to his feet, "Go help clean up, then we can go pick Emme up."

"I gotta leave?"

Adam reached over and ruffled his hair, "We do, but you'll be back Monday. You'll have to stay all day then."

"Cool!" Milo pumped his fist in excitement.

Adam finished up the bedtime routine and grabbed two beers from the fridge and joined Kim on the back deck, the night still clinging to the heat of the day. Nights spent sitting on the back deck were numbered, and they planned on taking full advantage of the few nights that remained.

"For you.." Adam held the beer out to Kim, "They're sleeping. Milo went on and on about school." Adam sat in the lounger beside Kim, her head down as she picked at the corner of label on the bottle. He reached across and grabbed her wrist, "You okay?"

Kim shook her head from side to side, "No." she responded meekly.

Adam sat up in his chair, he tugged on her wrist "Come sit with me darlin', talk to me" he moved his legs so she could lay between them. She laid on her side with her head on his chest. Once she was settled he entwined his legs with hers, "What is it?"

Kim rested her hand over his heart, the steady pounding helped to soothe her a bit, "Today hit me hard."

Adam ran his hand through her hair, "Me too..but you heard Milo he loved it. Kinda makes me question if he's really my kid." He teased, a bit shocked when Kim didn't react to it, he scooted further up in the chair, "Kim?"

She repositioned herself so she could look him in the eye, "Lucy will never get to go to school" she looped her arms around his neck and held on for dear life.

They sat quietly for what felt like ages, neither one feeling the need to talk. They just needed each other, Adam finally spoke.

"Lucy lives on in Milo and Emme. She lives on in all of us." Adam kissed the top of her head, "Not day goes by were I don't think of our little girl, she's here." He brought their joined hands to rest above his heart, "she's in here. Always."

Kim wiped her eyes, "I miss her."

"I know."

"Then that lady from Milo's class asked about our kids and I didn't know what to say. I didn't not want to pretend Lucy never existed but I didn't want to talk about her either. I didn't want to talk about our baby.." she sobbed.

"It's alright Kim, I know." He held her, "Please don't cry.."

The weekend went way too fast for Kim's liking, and she wasn't sure she could handle drop off alone. Adam had been called into work just after midnight, Milo was going to be crushed that Adam wasn't home.

Not the way she had wanted her Monday to start.

She had already decided on a little bit of bribery to get Milo excited for school, he had been so excited when they picked him up on Friday; she was cautiously optimistic and a stop at the donut shop could only help.

"School today?" Milo asked as soon as his eyes opened.

"Yes, are you excited?"

His excitement was obvious when he jumped out of bed and stripped his pajamas off and grabbed his school uniform from the dresser, "Can we go now?"

Kim felt the weight of the world fall off her shoulders, maybe it wouldn't be such a rough go of it after all.

 ** _I'm going to be completely honest, I'm not sure how I feel about this. It feels a bit disjointed and a bit all over the place. I've gone back and forth on wether or not I would post it, obviously at this moment I'm posting it..though that could change._**

 ** _Please leave an honest review if you feel so inclined, this one has me doubting myself._**


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